Without being disrespectful to anyone, this is just another conception story. But is also isn’t. For the pure fact that we haven’t yet conceived. So it may actually turn out to be a story about giving up on conception. Nonetheless, this is my own story and point of view. It’s just a frank and attempted humorous look at how we are trying to make George a brother or sister as he so often asks us to.
I know for many couples this is such a heartbreaking and stressful experience. But personally, at this stage, I have a very blasé outlook on the whole process. Hubs and I are very much at the what will be will be.
Of course we already have George, and I know a lot of couples hate it when they are trying to conceive (ttc) and people express that they should be content that they already have a child. I’m not saying they should. But for us, being parents already makes all the difference and totally softens the blow.
When we were trying for George, it completely consumed me, despite me knowing that stressing wouldn’t help. The not knowing if mine or hubs bodies were capable of producing a baby was the thing that got to us (me). It took 8 months to conceive George, but they were the longest 8 months of my life. If you’d like to read more of how George came about, click here. (note the link does take you to a sponsored post whereby I was provided with an item in return for my honest review.) I’m so sorry to women that have been trying for years and still haven’t conceived but we all have our own battles and I know there will be people scoffing at 8 months. For me, I’m surrounded by people who look at one another and fall pregnant so for me, 8 months made me feel like I my body was behaving badly.
So I’ve visited the GP and discussed the fact that we have been trying to conceive a sibling for George. Since George was born 4 and a half years ago, we haven’t used any contraception. So I suppose you could say we have been trying for 4 years. The first year I didn’t have any periods due to breastfeeding though. I know they said it’s still possible to fall pregnant whilst breastfeeding but in my case it really wasn’t.
So, without flitting about too much, menopause is a big factor in me wanting to seek help in trying to conceive. The women in my family go through menopause early (late thirties) and I’m already 35! When my periods restarted after having George, they were strange in that I will bleed for a few days, completely stop for 24 hours, and then bleed again for a day or two. After a year of this, I told my Mum just in conversation one day and she said this is how her menopause first presented itself.
I asked my GP about it and they referred me to have an internal ultrasound. Thankfully everything was pretty average. However this was two years ago. At the time, they told me my results were normal. So in my head I thought the next step was for hubs to visit the GP to get himself checked out.
Due to ongoing health conditions with my body we decided to just continue as per. We were slightly unsure if pregnancy was the right choice for my body or not at that point. Some months I felt great and we were all for it. Others I was certain I would end up on 9 months bedrest if I fell at that precise moment.
So the time has come where I think physically I’m the best I’m gonna be, and I’m continually trying to improve my physical fitness and diet but the clocking is well and truly ticking. Not only that, but George is desperate for a sibling and always asking when we are going to have a baby. Timing wise, he starts full time school in September. This will allow me to dedicate daytimes to doing the activities with the baby that I did with George, in the form of classes etc. So off to the docs hubs trots and explains that we want a baby but it’s not happening.
Now this is where it all gets a little confusing. Hubs explained to the doc that I had already had some tests and he now wanted to be tested. Ultimately to check his swimmers are all geared up for the race to end all races. So he was told that in order for him to referred for fertility issues, I myself, as his wife and partner, have to visit the doctor. He then has to be referred through me as it were. It all seems rather bizarre.
So I paid my second home (the doctors) a visit and explained the situation. He said the first step is for me to have a blood test on day 21 of my cycle, which ironically was that day. I should have realised the nurses reputation when the doctor asked me if I was feeling brave.
The nurse admitted to me she has a needle phobia and won’t let anyone near her with one. So she has trained as a phlebotomist to help her phobia! And here I was, her
therapy patient for that day. She told me she would try to be gentle, as I gritted my teeth, threw my head back towards the ceiling and hoped she just had a lack of confidence in herself. She didn’t. It hurt and my arm felt bruised all the way through.
Here I am realising that already it starts doesn’t it. I’ve already had an internal ultrasound (which you can’t even feel by the way) and now I’m playing pin cushion to someone who really should have listened to the careers advisor. It’s all very invasive and might I say a bit fucking painful from the woman’s perspective.
In my head the outcome of my attending said doctors appointment would be that hubs would be recommended to whack on a bit of pornhub, jizz in a cup,hand it in and everyone is happy. Happy days!
A fellow blogger who I chat to said her hubs was asked to do just that (ok minus the pornhub bit). She lives in the same county as me, just a different borough. Either times have changed since they had tests, or the powers that be just like marginally torturing women in my borough. (please insert laugh here)
So apparently the next step is for the doctor to call me in a weeks time. He’ll tell me if my hormone levels appear “normal” before we progress to the next stage…whatever that may be.
In the meantime I’ve been tracking my cycles and doing all the usual shizzle. Honestly, what more can you do? The problem with making babies is it’s completely out of our control. I hate not getting my own way. So it’s quite frustrating to not be able to say “I want a baby”, and just have one.
It’s like back when I used to play football in school…or rather didn’t. I love the game, I know the rules and what position I should be in, but at the end of the day I just wasn’t picked for the team. The difference being this time, that I’m playing tennis doubles and we are both potentially missing the shots.
So watch this space I guess. One way or another, George will have a sibling. It’s just a question of by which means.