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The truth about pregnancy

That magical feeling of being pregnant, and all the crap that goes with it that they never tell you about.

Wanna share?

The truth about pregnancy is obviously my truth. I know every pregnancy for every person is different. I’m hoping some women or indeed men will read and relate to this.

I like to think I’m being open about the parts people really don’t go into detail about on a daily basis. Let me know what you think. Did you experience anything similar during your pregnancy?

Feel free to laugh. I did! Blimey, when something less than always pleasant is happening to you for 9/10 months you’ve got to laugh or end up seriously peeved. So here goes.

The Announcement

Anyone else feel like announcing you are having a baby is a bit like telling your parents you lost your virginity. The slightly awkward realisation that everyone is congratulating you on having sex. Like we all know one another is doing it. But to say to the world “hey (little wave), we’ve had sex over here! I mean let’s get a high-five for the sex yeah!”

For 9 months I feel like a walking advert for sex. Reasons to have it. Reasons to not have it. I don’t even get paid for advertising space, for the walking advert of magical crap that I’ve become.


The Awful Truth about my fucking amazing body.

My pregnancy with George could have been worse, but then if you had seen the state of me! I’ll still tell you now, as magical as it is and I loved feeling bubba move, pregnancy really wasn’t all it cracked up to be. It fucked my body in so many ways. Ways that will never be fixed. Have I come to terms with it? As much as I can. I look at the kid and he was totally worth it. But still.

It’s such an achievement for some, myself included, to be able to fall pregnant, but that doesn’t mean to have to bask in all the glory of the crapness that comes with it. You are growing a human (or more). You can absolutely hate it for some of the time. It’s your prerogative!

I think some bodies were made for making and carrying babies and some weren’t. I was the latter. It took us a bit longer than average to conceive and I ended up not being able to feel or use my hands, with a nose even Wurzel Gummidge would struggle to contend with.

Amongst the rest of the swollen crap. Elephants feet, grapes for a bum hole and the purple veiny things taking over my thighs of all places!

Morning Sickness

Thankfully I didn’t experience morning sickness. I once vomited at 8 months pregnant and let’s say THAT took me by surprise. It was less than easy to crouch over a toilet bowl with a huge belly in the way.

I had nausea in the first trimester and mild migraines but nothing a few fruity polos didn’t sort out. I always made sure to have a selection of snacks and suckable sweets on me. Your body does this strange this where you go from 0 to I-must-eat-right-mother-fucking-now! Trust me, carrying snacks will prevent you from having to have your baby in prison because someone didn’t serve you food in time.


Photo taken courtesy of Little Smilers studio ( and purchased ourselves.

Poo & Pants

Then there’s your poo. Everyone knows I love talking about poo. My sis actually feel pregnant 5 months before me so she was able to prep me on the stages of poo your pregnant self goes though.

Starting with the “cow pat” phase and ending so elegantly with the constipated haemorrhoids phase.

Honestly it’s so hard to poo when you have a ginormous belly in front of you and you can’t adequately lean forward.

And don’t think you’ll be done with panty pads either. Oh no. There’s various levels of vaginal discharge stages you must experience on top of all the other uncomfortable magicalness. I must’ve wanted to escape my body at least once every 24 hours.

Insomnia & Sleeping 

Then there’s the insomnia! Like what the actual fuck! It’s like your body says;

“hey! You wanna have a baby? Let’s get you used to this sleep deprivation thingy now”!

Erm why! It’s not like I’ll still be growing a human once the baby arrives will I! Let me sleep!


As glamorous as it sounds, it was. Each night I would snuggle into bed with at least 5 pillows behind me to prevent the reflux and heartburn. Ensuring the Rennie’s could be found in the dark on my bedside table.

I’d position more pillows between my legs and behind my back because, oh my gosh your hips and back really like to let you know they are carrying a baby.

Finally my hands were strapped up in wrist splints for the carpal tunnel syndrome.

I would just start to snooze and relax when 20 minutes later, a swift lean on my bladder from my wonderful bundle of magic and I needed the loo. This would happen at least 12 times a night.

I often just stayed up because my hands hurt too much if I fell asleep. I’d wake up and have to pull my fingers and rub and shake my hands in an effort to regain the feeling and remove the pain.

Not forgetting the restless legs. Trying to relax and all my legs want to do is kick out and flip around. How hubs didn’t move out is beyond me. And sadly for him there was no spare bedroom.

Thankfully I had. A family of foxes living in our garden that kept me entertained in the early hours. Not to mention some epic lightning shows. I recommend getting yourself a good book or you’ll become the queen of early hours social media, deliriously rambling away to yourself whilst your half of the world sleeps.

Playing with your unborn child

But there was MANY positives to being pregnant. Playing with my bubba inside my tummy using a torch or music provided me with hours of joy.

Watching and feeling him move inside me and being able to share that with family and friends. I felt like a superhero being able to grow this amazing human being. Knowing I was his source of everything and taking on the responsibility of motherhood the moment I conceived. Feeling so grateful that I had this opportunity that so many women haven’t and long for.



My hair. Oh my hair. I mean it was rather unfair that at a time when my bikini line was about to become like a challenge on the krypton factor to shave, it also started to grow out of control. The boundaries stretched and suddenly my bikini line became a “let’s-venture-down-her-legs” type ivy vine.

The hair on my body was out of control, hairy tum, pubes on the loose, and everything was growing coarser. The hair on my head also benefited. My mane was the lushest it had ever been. I can honestly say I barely lost a hair in the hair brush or plughole throughout my whole pregnancy.

Of course once baby was born, my hair came out en masse. This is perfectly normal but it can be disturbing to see thinning spots of hair and a plughole full every time you shower.

Other crazy stuff I just HAVE to mention

  • The weird spotting you get during implantation that makes you think you are about to come on your period. Then you do a test before a night out on the piss only to find you are going to be on the lemonade all night.
  • The way your mouth always tastes like you’ve been sucking on a metal pole for hours.
  • Your superhero sense of smell. You can smell any smell a mile off. I had lots of fun guessing what people were cooking in the next room at lunch break at work.
  • The way you think all your baggy pre pregnancy tops will fit you when your pregnant because it’s just a fatter belly right? Wrong! Under your bra thickens and widens as your ribs expand, sending your organs god knows where and you end up looking like a sausage in a skin that’s too small. And that’s why maternity wear is big business.
  • Hot flushes that appear out of nowhere and make you wonder if you are dying of flu whilst you stand there dripping with sweat looking like you’ve got the plague.
  • Your nipples getting strangely darker. Who the heck knows why.
  • The surprise you get when you have your first scan (12 weeks) and you expect them to be all over your belly like they are on the tele and in films and they actually do it under your belly button because surprisingly that’s where the tiny baby is until it grows bigger.
  • The feeling of bubba move and thinking it couldn’t have been further from the “butterflies” people told me I’d feel. It was actually more like bubbles popping. I mistook it for wind for a while.
  • Wondering why my throat was burning of a night and finding out that’s reflux for you.
  • Having hubs have to cut my dinner up towards the end because the carpal tunnel syndrome meant I couldn’t grip properly or feel my damn hands through the pins and needles. Gave him good practice for the toddler years.

So there you have it. We had sex! And this is what happened. I’ll save the shit storm that was my labour for another post. I hope you found this useful. Please feel free to pass on to any other unfortunate but extremely lucky ladies that find themselves embarking on this jaded journey into motherhood.

Oh the joys. Until next time…..

Wanna share?

49 thoughts on “The truth about pregnancy

  1. Yes…the metal taste I had in my mouth to which I almost can’t eat anything for months..The worst feeling but pregnancy to be the BEST feeling. Memories are all coming back now and I miss the privileges of being pregnant. Lol! Nice post!

  2. Love this post! It’s so refreshing to hear someone talk about pregnancy in a stripped back, matter-a-fact way. Because it’s not really a bed of roses is it! I had the weird numb / pins and needles thing in my hands and my midwife thought I was being dramatic :-O Fab. Thanks for joining us for the #DreamTeam

    1. Thank you. I’m glad you found it relatable. I pride myself on honesty and wish more people had been honest with me about it before I entered into it. Although I probabaly would have never believed them.

      My midwife was even worse. Saying “oh it’s just carpel tunnel, everyone gets it, it’s morning to worry about.” Yeah well ya but I’d never been pregnant before so didn’t feel very grateful to her for making me feel like just another number 🙄

      Thanks for stopping by. #DreamTeam

  3. I actually had pretty smooth pregnancies other than being enormous at the end both times and having no room for any of my internal organs! Second time round it transpired I had gestational diabetes so I’d probably had it first time too!

    1. Pa ha! No honestly bough I believe it is. I’m not shy of who I tell this stuff to. At least it might prepare men for what their partner is going through.

      Glad you enjoyed the read. Thanks for stopping by.

    1. I think I had blocked a lot of it out too. Can last night I mentally penned a part two because I’ve remembered EVEN more. That’s AFTER adding an edit to this post with things I forgot. It’s crazy. I think because I’m contemplating doing it again I thought I’d mentally remind myself what I’m ij for lol.

      Thanks for stopping by. #KCACOLS

    1. Not at all. I remember when everyone was in uproar at Cheryl saying she hated pregnancy. There’s no shame in it. Just because some women long to experience it and can’t. It’s bot all glowing complexions and fairytale pukes in a dustbin like the films show you. With husbands running out at 2am to get you ice cream you crave. It’s so much more for so many women and to be honest I wish someone had told me and then maybe I wouldn’t have been so shocked. That’s before we even get to the labour.

      Thanks for being honest. It’s not about being ungrateful. It’s about spending almost a year feeling like you want to escape your body for the most part. And already the Mum guilt kicks in because you are trying our best to nourish and grow his little human, all the while trying to carry in with normal everyday life. Huge respect to the women who find it a breeze but for us that Find it sucky we are entitled to that emotion.

      Thanks for stopping by.

  4. My Mrs., she did the birthing in our house (thankfully) and it was rough for me too! You have it explained all so well! I laughed out loud several times and things still baffle me. Mostly I am still in awe of her strength and beauty, dealing out this lover angels called our girls! M’wah! #KCACOLS xoxo

    1. Aww I’m so glad you can relate. It’s think it’s good for partners to share. Not to make the other feel guilty. But so they can help mentally pull the other through it. It’s a long old time to feel shit and although there’s an end goal it’s hard to lose sight of it. On top of keeping track of how many movements you’ve felt and whether you are taking the right supplements and nourishing and exercising your body right. I think it’s a massive responsibility that so needs to be shared.

      I’m sure there are people reading this thinking I’m making a fuss about nothing but for some of us it’s just overwhelming and so not taken in our stride.

      Huge thanks for stopping by. #KCACOLS

    1. Hugely and I will never ever dispute the fact it’s so totally worth it. Forever and ever the end. My little dude is worth everything but my god when he’s older I shall make him remember it if he ever being a shit bag. Lol.

      Thanks for stopping by. #KCACOLS

    1. I know. I kind of sat there thinking “I’m gonna be sick, but I’m 8 months and I’ve never been sick, no just ignore it…. shit!…..waddle run up the stairs…..vom!” Lol. I think maybe I ate more than the size of the belly and everything had been squished somewhere it shouldn’t.

      I have huge respect to women that suffer from hyperesis gravatium. My friend had it and managed to scheduled her vomiting lol. Leave for work, throw up, arrive, throw up, go for break, throw up lol. It must be utterly exhausting if you are suffering with all the other crap too.

      Thanks for stopping by.

  5. I didn’t think that anyone else felt the same awkwardness that I did when I announced my pregnancy to the world. Not that I actually THOUGHT than anyone would THINK I was a virgin, but still! Ugh, how strange! #kcacols

  6. Ha ha! This made me laugh – yes! What is it about that metallic taste in your mouth and being able to smell cleaning products a mile off?! Love it. Thanks for sharing! #KCACOLS

  7. Both of my pregnancies were easy but I got soo fat with my son!! I literally put on 4 stone and it was awful. Great post though! #KCACOLS

    1. Thank you. Wow 4 stone. I gained 3 but a lot was fluid. I know someone that gained 6 stone with her first! But hardly anything with her 2nd. She was very svelt and I never saw her during her first pregnancy. I just couldn’t imagine it. Crazy huh what our bodies go through. So amazing though.

      Thanks for stopping by. Glad you enjoyed the read.


  8. My body was also not made for carrying babies – 3 pregnancies, all with pre-eclampsia resulting in 3 premmies. However, I did totally love being preganant and am disappointed I will never again carry a baby.
    Ps, love your bump pics!!

  9. Haha sorry to laugh. But I feel your pain. I hates pregnancy and just felt awful through pretty much all of it. I was so glad to only have gotten to 35 weeks I literally couldn’t take any more. I think I experienced pretty much all of the above and then some. Hence hey I be at wanted to do it again #kcacols

    1. Lol Tracey we have to laugh or we’ll cry huh. I tried so hard not to complain at the time. My sister went through most of the same plus more so I felt myself very fortunate.

      Thanks for stopping by. #KCACOLS

  10. Such a great post and so many truths here. I had that horrible weird taste in my mouth for weeks with my first, it was awful. Morning sickness was a killer and the poo, oh god the poo. Great post. It’s a lovely but hard time #kcacols

  11. I had one where I vomited every single day. it was the worst. I’d walk into a clients office, scouting for the bin in case I wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom. Classy. Fortunately it never came to that but a client did catch me vomiting into a street bin in the middle of the CBD…fortunately he had 4 kids and was lovely about it. Meh #KCACOLS

    1. Lol. I aim to please. I was actually surprised how many I remembered but I’ve been contemplating doing it all again so thought I’d remind myself what I’m letting myself in for and the rest of it’s any worse than last time. Eeek.

      Thanks for stopping by.

  12. Oh yes, I had a great many of these experiences. I certainly had the elephant ankles and the raspberry for a bum hole. I have to say that I felt like a walking contraceptive rather than a walking advert for sex for the entirety of my pregnancy. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought that people were looking at me thinking that they wouldn’t ever want to get pregnant if i was what they ended up looking like. Pen x #KCACOLS

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