Tag Archives: ambition

The ambition of an exhausting life

Life is so, so short. Plus, you never usually know when it’s going to end. For me, life is like an oozing slice of chocolate fudge cake, being dangled in front of of my inner fat girl. The idea that I HAVE to make EVERY day count. A mission for ambition. It’s fucking exhausting! Do you agree?

Believe it or not, I’m ambitious I’m just not particularly productive since I became a mum. Some may even say lazy! I also have a dubious husband that takes a lot of convincing when it comes to my plans and ideas.

You know when people say the days aren’t long enough, I’m one of those people. I’d love for days to be longer so that I could fit more into them. More productivity, more relaxing, more fun, more adventure. But to achieve that I’d need to either be a robot or a vampire as clearly the human body requires sleep.

Unfortunately for me, sleep is another thing that I can’t help but feel wastes a load of time… but I love it. I literally could marry my bed. My imagination is so overactive that my dreams often make me feel like the star in my own crazy, ridiculous film. I could NEVER give that up. Sometimes the dreams get a little intense and I dread going to sleep but on the whole I’m having a pretty exciting time whilst my human shell catches some Zzz’s.

Now here comes the notion, a rule to live by if you will.

Prior to becoming a mum I worked in the NHS for 11 years, quitting to be a stay at home, come blogger. I do harp on about it a lot to be fair but I achieved a lot and worked my way up through the ranks, achieving the some of the greater parts of what a qualified Pharmacy technician can.

So my theory became that staying in the  same career my whole life was not my ideal use of this short life. There are so many careers I’d love to try. A post person for example. You may laugh. It may not be everyone’s ambition but I’m nosey and I like to keep active so it kills two birds in my opinion. So what if I changed career every 10 years and got to experience a varied life? That way I could experience all there is to try out there and never get bored or too comfortable.

Does that now mean I have to be a stay at home Mum Come blogger for 10 years? Well I think I’ll call this 10 years my experimental phase. I’ve already dabbled in my husbands career in finance and accounts. I decided numbers aren’t my thing so I’ve fallen back into the admin/ date entry role. I’ll continue to work on my blogging and I’m also working on my childhood passion of story writing but I’m not sure which genre will be the most successful as I’m currently working on stories for preschool children and a novel aimed at adults.

When George starts school I’d absolutely love to take a course in carpentry and woodwork or soldering and welding. I’d like to eventually create custom pieces of art and furniture, up cycling scrap metal or crafting naturally felled trees. I’ve even contemplated midwifery in these past weeks. That totally took me by surprise.

Career ambitions aside there’s a whole exhausting world out there that I’d love to be exploring. But it’s so hard to “have it all”! So hubs and I have set our sights on kicking George and any fellow siblings out at 18. Ok we may let them look after the home whilst myself and hubs go travelling as we will only be early fifties. Is that a risky strategy though? Who knows what is around the corner? What if we are no longer able bodied..or heavens forbid no longer here!

There are always the people “I must catch up with soon”. I find making friends easy and like to enjoy a variety of company. But weeks turn into months and before you know it, it’s midway through the year, and you haven’t seen half the people you expected to. I’m always regretting not making enough time for EVERYONE that counts.

I’m so, so fortunate to be able to be at home looking after George. But I can’t help but think this gives me time to crave more. More ambition, more time with people, more expectations of myself. Before you know it you are left head spinning, feeling life is fucking exhausting. I should probably organise myself better with one of those bullet journals everyone talks about, but it’s just another thing to do.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Except to live in a universe where time is infinite or at least slower. (Insert big cheesy grin here)

Can you relate?

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday