Pregnancy

The truth about pregnancy

The truth about pregnancy is obviously my truth. I know every pregnancy for every person is different. I’m hoping some women or indeed men will read and relate to this as I like to think I’m being open about the parts people really don’t go into detail about on a daily basis. Let me know what you think. Did you experience anything similar during your pregnancy. Feel free to laugh. I did! Blimey when something less than always pleasant is happening to you for 9/10 months you’ve got to laugh or end up seriously peeved. So here goes.

Anyone else feel like announcing you are having a baby is a bit like telling your parents you lost your virginity. The slightly awkward realisation that everyone is congratulating you on having sex. Like we all know one another is doing it. But to say to the world “hey (little wave), we’ve had sex over here! I mean let’s get a high five for the sex yeah!”

For 9 months I feel like a walking advert for sex. Reasons to have it. Reasons to not have it. I don’t even get paid for advertising space, for the walking advert of magical crap that I’ve become.

Pregnancy

My pregnancy with George could’ve been worse but then if you had seen the state of me! I’ll still tell you now, as magical as it is and I loved feeling bubba move, pregnancy really wasn’t all it cracked up to be. It fucked my body in so many ways. Ways that will never be fixed. Have I come to terms with it? As much as I can. I look at the kid and he was totally worth it. But still.

I think some bodies were made for making and carrying babies and some weren’t. I was the latter. It took us a bit longer than average to conceive and I ended up not being able to feel or use my hands, with a nose even wurzel gummidge would struggle to contend with. Amongst the rest of the swollen crap. Elephants feet, grapes for a bum hole and the purple veiny things taking over my thighs of all places!

But otherwise yeah it was fab. Thankfully I didn’t experience morning sickness. I once vomited at 8 months pregnant and let’s say THAT took me by surprise. I had nausea in the first trimester and migraines but nothing a few fruity polos didn’t sort out.

Pregnancy
Photo courtesy of Little Smilers studio

Then there’s your poo. Everyone knows I love talking about poo. My sis actually feel pregnant 5 months before me so she was able to prep me on the stages of poo your pregnant self goes though. Starting with the “cow pat” phase and ending so elegantly with the constipated haemorrhoids phase. Honestly it’s so hard to poo when you have a ginormous belly in front of you and you ant adequately lean forward.

And don’t think you’ll be done with panty pads either. Oh no. There’s various levels of discharge stages you must experience on top of all the other uncomfortable magicalness. I must’ve wanted to escape my body at least once every 24 hours.

Then there’s the insomnia! Like what the actual fuck! It’s like your body says “hey! You wanna have a baby? Let’s get you used to this sleep deprivation thingy now”! Why! I won’t be growing a human once the baby arrives will I! Let me sleep!

Pregnancy

As glamorous as it sounds, it was. Snuggling into bed with at least 5 pillows behind me to prevent the reflux and heartburn whilst ensuring the Rennie’s could be found in the dark on my bedside table. Then more pillows between my legs and behind my back because oh my gosh your hips and back really like to let you know they are carrying a baby. Then win my hands strapped up in wrist splints for the carpel tunnel syndrome I would just start to snooze and relax. 20 minutes later and a swift lean on my bladder from my wonderful bundle of magic and I needed the loo. This would happen at least 12 times a night.

I often just stayed up because my hands hurt too much if I fell asleep. I’d wake up and have to pull my fingers and rubs and shake my hands in an effort to regain the feeling and remove the pain. Not forgetting the restless legs. Trying to relax and all my legs want to do is kick out and flip around. How hubs didn’t move out is beyond me. And sadly for him there was no spare bedroom. Thankfully I had. A family of foxes living in our garden that kept me entertained in the early hours. Not to mention some epic lightening shows.

But there was MANY positives to being pregnant. Playing with my bubba inside my tummy using a torch or music provided me with hours of joy. Watching and feeling him move inside me and being able to share that with family and friends. Feeling like a superhero being able to grow this amazing human being. Knowing I was their source of everything and taking the responsibility of motherhood the moment I conceived. Feeling so grateful that I had this opportunity that so many women don’t.

Pregnancy

My hair. Oh my hair. I mean it was rather unfair that at a time when my bikini line was about to become like a challenge on the krypton factor to shave, it also started to grow out of control. The boundaries stretched and suddenly my bikini line became a “let’s-venture-down-her-let’s-So there you have it. We had sex! And this is what happened. I’ll save the shit storm that was my labour for another post.
**Edit** I’ve since thought of more delightfulness experienced whilst pregnant. This wouldn’t be the truth, my truth if it wasn’t the whole truth.

  • The weird spotting you get during implantation that makes you think you are about to come on and then you do a test before a night out on the piss only to find you are going to be on the lemonade all night.
  • The way your mouth always tastes like you’ve been sucking on a metal pole for hours.
  • Your superhero sense of smell. You can smell any smell a mile off. I had lots of fun guessing what people were cooking in the next room at lunch break at work.
  • The way you think all your baggy pre pregnancy tops will fit you when your pregnant because it’s just a fatter belly right? Wrong! Under your bra thickens and widens as your ribs expand, sending your organs god knows where and you end up looking like a sausage in a skin that’s too small. And that’s why maternity wear is big business lol.
  • Hot flushes that appear out of nowhere and make you wonder if you are dying of flu whilst you stand there dripping with sweat looking like you’ve got the plague.
  • Your nipples getting strangely darker. Who the heck knows why.
  • The surprise you get when you have your first scan (12 weeks) and you expect them to be al over your belly like they are on the tele and in films and they actually do it under your belly button because surprisingly that’s where the baby is until it grows bigger.
  • The feeling of bubba move and thinking it couldn’t have been further from the “butterflies” people told me I’d feel. It was actually more like bubbles popping.
  • Wondering why my throat was burning of a night and finding out that’s reflux for you.
  • Having hubs have to cut my dinner up towards the end because the carpel tunnel syndrome meant I couldn’t grip properly or feel my damn hands through the pins and needles.

Oh the joys. Until next time…..

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
Rhyming with Wine

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48 Comments on "The truth about pregnancy"

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Rachel George
Guest

My first pregnancy was so easy – I had no idea how easy till my second pregnancy! I did share many of these experiences, you have brought a lot of funny memories back. #KCACOLS

Pen
Guest

Oh yes, I had a great many of these experiences. I certainly had the elephant ankles and the raspberry for a bum hole. I have to say that I felt like a walking contraceptive rather than a walking advert for sex for the entirety of my pregnancy. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought that people were looking at me thinking that they wouldn’t ever want to get pregnant if i was what they ended up looking like. Pen x #KCACOLS

Fiona Cambouropoulos
Guest

Now this all brings back all kinds of memories I had quite forgotten! #KCACOLS

Lydia C. Lee
Guest

I had one where I vomited every single day. it was the worst. I’d walk into a clients office, scouting for the bin in case I wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom. Classy. Fortunately it never came to that but a client did catch me vomiting into a street bin in the middle of the CBD…fortunately he had 4 kids and was lovely about it. Meh #KCACOLS

The Mummy Bubble
Guest

Such a great post and so many truths here. I had that horrible weird taste in my mouth for weeks with my first, it was awful. Morning sickness was a killer and the poo, oh god the poo. Great post. It’s a lovely but hard time #kcacols

Tracey Bowden
Guest

Haha sorry to laugh. But I feel your pain. I hates pregnancy and just felt awful through pretty much all of it. I was so glad to only have gotten to 35 weeks I literally couldn’t take any more. I think I experienced pretty much all of the above and then some. Hence hey I be at wanted to do it again #kcacols

Nikki
Guest

My body was also not made for carrying babies – 3 pregnancies, all with pre-eclampsia resulting in 3 premmies. However, I did totally love being preganant and am disappointed I will never again carry a baby.
Ps, love your bump pics!!

Laura - Mummy Lauretta
Guest

Great post, the bit about the advertisement for sex made me laugh! Your nipples get darker so the baby can distinguish them in the early weeks when it can only see in black and white 🙂 #KCACOLS

Amy
Guest

I loved being pregnant and yet I also hated it lol But then I love being a Mum and also hate it sometimes! #kcacols

Amie
Guest

Both of my pregnancies were easy but I got soo fat with my son!! I literally put on 4 stone and it was awful. Great post though! #KCACOLS

Sara
Guest

Ha ha! This made me laugh – yes! What is it about that metallic taste in your mouth and being able to smell cleaning products a mile off?! Love it. Thanks for sharing! #KCACOLS

Carolina Twin Mom / Mary Peterson
Guest

I didn’t think that anyone else felt the same awkwardness that I did when I announced my pregnancy to the world. Not that I actually THOUGHT than anyone would THINK I was a virgin, but still! Ugh, how strange! #kcacols

Emma me and b make tea
Guest

urgh the reflux and heartburn! and whats with the being sick at 8 months ey. I was at 8 weeks but was ok after that #KCACOLS

Helen @Talking_Mums
Guest

Nodding along to all of these! Pregnancy seriously does mess with your body but totally worth it x
#kcacols

Lisa Pomerantz
Guest

My Mrs., she did the birthing in our house (thankfully) and it was rough for me too! You have it explained all so well! I laughed out loud several times and things still baffle me. Mostly I am still in awe of her strength and beauty, dealing out this lover angels called our girls! M’wah! #KCACOLS xoxo

Kelly | and Jacob makes three
Guest

Love this. I hated being pregnant with a passion. I sometimes think I don’t want another baby because I can’t stand it. Which makes me sound so ungrateful. But I just hated it so much #KCACOLS

Sarah | Digital Motherhood
Guest

6 years on and I’ve kind of blocked it all out! Lol I just remember it being very uncomfortable and tiring #KCACOLS

jeremy@thirstydaddy
Guest

good for us men to read stuff like this every now and again. Not sure I’ll be able to look at a pregnant woman and the same ever again! #KCACOLS

Ann from Rainbows are too beautiful
Guest

Oh gosh, the pooing thing towards the end was awful – was almost in sweats over it. #kcacols

Ali Duke
Guest

Oh it’s a joy isn’t it lol! I got stretchmarks on my boobs, they look so good now lol.
#KCACOLS

Inclusive Home
Guest

I actually had pretty smooth pregnancies other than being enormous at the end both times and having no room for any of my internal organs! Second time round it transpired I had gestational diabetes so I’d probably had it first time too!
#KCACOLS

Emma : Ettie and Me
Guest

I loved being pregnant too. such a lovely time! I absolutely love your pregnancy photos – taking one step further with the actual fruit and veg. genius haha

Annette, 3 Little Buttons
Guest

Love this post! It’s so refreshing to hear someone talk about pregnancy in a stripped back, matter-a-fact way. Because it’s not really a bed of roses is it! I had the weird numb / pins and needles thing in my hands and my midwife thought I was being dramatic :-O Fab. Thanks for joining us for the #DreamTeam

Nancy Bryant
Guest

Yes…the metal taste I had in my mouth to which I almost can’t eat anything for months..The worst feeling but pregnancy to be the BEST feeling. Memories are all coming back now and I miss the privileges of being pregnant. Lol! Nice post!