My vagina is getting a treat next month , and not because it’s pretty but because I believe prevention is better than cure. I have just booked my smear test following an invitation from my GP surgery. I’m jumping on board with cervical cancer prevention week to give you this
lecture low down on why I believe all women eligible for the smear test should be getting one. If you read the news, you will know that the number of women taking up their invitation for a smear test is at a 10 year low! The reason, embarrassment over the look and smell of their pubic areas! Yes apparently so!
Erm hello! Have we all gone fucking mental! 9 times out of the 10, (I’m taking a gamble) the person conducting your smear test is a women too! You can request a women carries out the test when you book the appointment. Said nurse/doctor has a fanny/ foof/ noo noo/ noonie/ flange/ vag/ vagina/ pussy herself! It smells at different times of the day or month. It varies in how hairy or not hairy it is. And do you know what else I’m going to take a gamble on? I bet you that nurse trained in her role so that she could help and save others in matters of their health. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t give a shit what state your fanny is in!
I mean be considerate, don’t turn up there unclean. But a simple wash and fresh underwear will suffice. Vagina’s smell! They’re ugly and unless you are a porn star there’s not much you are likely to do about it.
Are we that shallow now that we are risking our LIVES due to another body confidence issue! Please ladies! TAKE SOME PERSPECTIVE!
If you are a Mama then it’s very likely that you have endured childbirth and up to a dozen or more people have seen down there already so you really have no excuse. Plus you now have kiddies to care for and you are pretty useless to them in a coffin. Hey never mind kiddo. Mummy may not be here for your biggest moments in life but at least she had a good looking vagina! Sounds absolutely ridiculous and yes I’m being harsh but it’s necessary.
How often are you confronted with a petition on social media for the NHS to test for this, that and the other. There are so many conditions that could be avoided due to routine testing but these tests aren’t available. Smear tests are so use them!
Cervical cancer isn’t pleasant. I haven’t experienced it myself but I know one way or another that the treatment for it can leave you with less than pleasant lifelong side effects. A small price to pay for staying alive but nonetheless if you can avoid developing it all together then why wouldn’t you. Although the smear test is actually a test to determine the health of your cervix, it stop around 1 in every 100 women’s from getting cervical cancer (according to the NHS pamphlet.
So where will I be February 15th? I’ll be at my smear as I have been every third year around my birthday since I was 21. (Although the age of testing is now 3 yearly for 25-49 and 5 yearly for 50-64 year olds.)This will be my 5th smear and once you’re on the table with your legs open you just get chatting about Eastenders and before you know it it’s over. I tend to pop to the loo after to properly wipe away any excess lube if he nurse has been a bit over generous. I also put a panty liner on as I can sometimes get spotting after. I’m then careful not to lift anything to heavy that day as I do when I’m on my period as I often feel tender. Everyone is different though.
After 2 weeks I receive a letter, which for me has always stated my results were normal and no further action is needed. Sometimes they may find “abnormal cells” but again I know many ladies who have been called back for this and have been fine. Sometimes there is a need to remove the abnormal cells, sometimes a repeat test is needed as it may be that the results were compromised.
Ideally avoid using lubricants, vagina creams or having sexual activity 48 hours prior to your smear to better prevent your results being inaccurate.
So you see ladies it’s just another stage of life that us ladies ideally need to go through. Yes it’s a bit of a bitch but isn’t most of the shit our bodies throw at us. It’s what makes us strong and powerful. It’s what makes us women!
My top tips when attending a smear test
- Wear a skirt/ dress or long top so you don’t feel like you are getting so exposed. Although you will be given paper towel to lay across you once undressed.
- Don’t feel embarrassed to chat to the nurse just like you would if you was having a blood test or any other test. Remember she’s seen it all before and the mor me you relax the easier it will be.
- Take a panty liner just in case of any bleeding/ spotting afterwards.
- Treat yourself to your favourite chocolate/ coffee/ manicure afterwards. You did good lady. Be proud.
- Tell your girl friends all about it. Let’s not be shy. The more of us share our experiences we can hopefully encourage one another to do this.
- Don’t over clean yourself before the test. You will remove some of the natural moisture and in fact dry out your vagina making it harder for the speculum to be inserted ( although again don’t worry about the nurse struggling if you are naturally dry because she will use lubricant anyway).
- Book your test mid cycle.
Ultimately it is your choice whether to have a smear test or not but in my eyes if you are too embarrassed to share your vagina for prevention of cancer how will you cope if you ever (heaven forbid) require treatment for cervical cancer?! Book the appointment.
For more information on Cervical Screening in the U.K. checkout the NHS website here;