Mum guilt

Guilty as charged – Mum guilt and how to stop it.

Are you a Mum? Guilty as charged! Do you constantly guilt trip yourself? Can’t win in your own high expectations competition?

Are you a Dad? Do Dads do this too or is this just a mama thing? Does any of this resonant with you?

Here’s a typical week inside my psyche. A guilt trip diary if you will. As great as I am feeling when I edit and publish this post, this was written at a time when these feelings overpower me.  Any tips of how NOT to make yourself feel like you’re constantly failing would be much appreciated. Share the love and we all might be that bit more carefree.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not permanently beating myself up mentally but I do have at least one thought of guilt each day. I’m pretty sure it was a good friend that once said to me;

“Guilt is literally the most useless emotion”

Here is a typical week in the life of moi, with my guilty thoughts thrown in. Any of it sound familiar?

Monday – Take George to a morning messy play session. George had fun. Mostly he was wanting me to follow him closely so I couldn’t maintain a full conversation with any of the other mums. He always seemed to call me when it was the other mums chance to speak too.

I came away feeling guilty that I make come across as a self centred type. Disinterested in what others have to say. When in reality the kid dragged me away and if I didn’t follow him he would cry and I’d feel like a non attentive mother. Crap listener award or crap mother award guilty as charged.

Tuesday – We have been invited to meet up with friends who live some distance from us. I struggle to drive very far due to ongoing vertigo which has potentially resulted in confidence issues. This makes me feel like the plans have to revolve around me and being located somewhere I can get to by public transport. I’d like to point out this isn’t the case, it’s just my guilt. (Can hear my girlfriends shouting at the screen.) I would also love to say, to quote Charlie Puth;

“I’m only one call away, I’ll be there to save the day, Superman got nothing on me, I’m only one call away.”

But I won’t! Because unless I can burden someone else by giving me a lift then by the time public transport gets me there, the emergency will be over. Crap friend award, guilty as charged.

Wednesday – George attends nursery to allow me to get intensive jobs done at home that are easier to do without him around. Work like a maniac getting things done until I’m almost crippled by pain. Spend rest of the day suffering and unable to do much else. Crap body award – guilty as charged.

On occasions I drop George at nursery but I’m already suffering with some ailment and not good for much else but sat on the sofa watching TV. Total waste of my George free time.

Mum guilt and wasted money guilt.

Thursday – spend an epic day with George doing all his favourite activities. Farm or zoo, park or play centre. Followed by painting and playdoh at home. Making puzzles, reading books, playing cars. Finished with a bath with bubbles and more games.

Hubbies returns home from work, hoping for some loving. I feel so exhausted from plowing all my time and energy into giving George an epic day. All I want to do is curl up in front of the tele and then go to bed. Not to mention I am feeling all touched out from George.

Crap wife award – guilty as charged.

Friday – realise I’ve not seen any family this week. Try to make plans but most people have their own agendas and there simply isn’t time to fit everyone in.

Crap daughter, sister, auntie award – guilty as charged.

Saturday – hubs and I go to our regular football match. We usually try to cram in visiting relatives and some shopping and other tasks that have been put off all week. We end up eating a lot of convenience food and drink as opposed to healthy home made alternatives.

Crap eater,never gonna lose weight and stay trim award – guilty as charged.

Sunday – hubs goes to play football. Feeling lazy I park George in front of the tele with his toys and spend the morning chilling but not really being very active.

Lazy mum, lazy girl award – guilty as charged.

So you see I can’t win. As varied as my weeks are, there is always something else I could have been doing. Something I’m guilty of not doing. And therefore I stand before you as an over thinker, guilty as charged.

So how can we stop this cycle of useless guilt? The most pointless emotion that serves no purpose than to go round in a vicious circle.

  • For starters you need to promote your self worth. You aren’t superman, no one is. We all have our own capabilities and you can only achieve what you are physically and mentally able to. I’m all for pushing your boundaries but do it sensibly and within reach.
  • Give yourself mental rewards. If you can beat yourself up mentally, you can big yourself up mentally. Try to recognise something positive that you have achieved each day, each hour if you are feeling powerful! Ok that’s not realistic.
  • Write things down, bad thoughts on paper are less prevalent in your head. Good thoughts on paper can be a boost to look back on during guilty times. Even better, right the good thoughts down on post its and place them in areas you are likely to see them.
  • This article perfectly sums it up; Get off your guilt trip and gain self esteem

Please share with us your guilty thoughts and how you deal with them.

Until next time…….

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

16 thoughts on “Guilty as charged – Mum guilt and how to stop it.”

  1. This is so such a great idea for a post – if I had to write up my whole week, the guilt would also come out several times a day for various different reasons! It’s a mum thing. And I’ve seen dads blogging about it too (although my husband would never talk about such a thing), so it must be a dad thing to – just a parent thing! Great blog post! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope to see you again next time!

    1. Ah it’s sooo good to hear that others torture themselves in this way. I still feel that mums are wired different to dads so I can’t imagine them feeling this way but would be interested if a dad could open up and share.

      Love this linky.

      #KCACOLS

  2. I hear you! I think, judging by what I see and hear, that all mums seem to have some form of guilt whether it’s not seeing enough of their kids, seeing too much , shouting at the kids, not being a good friend etc. etc. But I really don’t think men put themselves under as much pressure about stuff as we do! I think the key is to be kinder to ourselves. We are all doing the best we can. I’ve started practising Mindfulness which is helping and promotes just letting things be. Not to try and change things, or judge ourselves, but enjoy living in the moment more. #KCACOLS x
    Cheryl @ Tea or Wine recently posted…Bribery. What’s Your Weapon of Choice?My Profile

  3. This is such a great post. Mum guilt is a bugger. Seriously if I wrote a post like this it would be full of guilt. It’s like tonight I just wasn’t in a great mood and had quite enough toddler tantrums for one day. My husband came in from work and took over and at bath time
    I could hear my daughter asking for me and I felt so awful because all I wanted was five minutes peace, I felt the guilt! #KCACOLS
    Kelly-Anne | Mimi Rose and Me recently posted…#MOTHERHOODMONDAYS FEATURING OLIVIA FROM HIGHSTYLIFEMy Profile

    1. Thanks for sharing. I know a lot of mums who say we all feel the same but you can’t believe it until it’s fully described. Then sometimes I often think shit, why am I feeling guilty. I’m doing great.

      #KCACOLS

  4. This is so true! I’m always feeling mega guilty, mainly about having any me time and being on my phone for blog related purposes. I tried to leave it to the evenings but then I’m ignoring the other half! Urgh! Can’t win! #KCACOLS
    Amie recently posted…Stay At Home vs. Working MumMy Profile

    1. Yep. Literally always someone who wants my fine. Even if it’s the cats or the plants need watering. Doesn’t matter how much I do or how hard I try, I always feel like I’ve left something out or let someone down. It’s not the case. We can’t be everything to everyone. Think that may be a new mantra 😜

      #KCACOLS

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